my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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