I cannot find my penis.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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