toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
