If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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