the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
