I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
