mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
