i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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