Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
