My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
