David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
