So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
