That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
