so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I only lived at night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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