I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
