At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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