I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
