Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize