Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
