I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
