That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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