my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
