okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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