marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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