There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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