you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
