he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize