chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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