if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
