Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
