I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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