ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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