So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
