I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize