JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
