It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Randomize
