This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
