I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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