i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
