i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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