i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
