i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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