State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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