The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
