Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
