i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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