gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
