I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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