so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
