THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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