dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
