If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
