why didn't you poke me back
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
