from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
