I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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