Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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