I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
