I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
