Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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