I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
