Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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