It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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