i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
