Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
