new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
