Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
