I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
